Ah the pleasures of living in Alumni Hall.  Tonight we're getting to listen to an Audio Adrenaline concert going on just downstairs.  I think I've made the point before that Alumni doesn't have very good sound proofing technology, so I might as well be at that concert.  Except I don't want to be.  I don't know who does more yelling:  the fans or the lead "singer." 

Thats terrific stuff, that Christian rock.  Inspired by the beautiful distortion I hear coming from the gym downstairs, I was decided to look up some Audio Adrenaline lyrics so as to find out what makes this Christian band any different from all the other screaming unchristian musicians that are so popular today. 

So, here's the first song lyrics I found from the first site that I looked at.

"When I was young I had a blast boy
The ways of the past
They're cool they're fun they're good
But I wonder will it last
I don't know I don't think so
What we need is a little yo narly ho
So we yo we heave ho
We turn up the sound
We run around
We put a little juice in your town
We talk about the Lord and all that we found in him
You wonder what we do
We're aiming at you
We're bonified preachers
Spiritual snipers
Gonna take your soul
One step hyper

One step hyper
One step hyper
One step hyper"

Its so true.  What I need is a little "yo narly ho."  I won't even guess what the next line means. 

Seriously though, what separates these guys from the secular artists today?  It certainly isn't their music style.  So is it the lyrics of these bonified preachers, these spiritual snipers? 

Give me hymns and southern gospel music anyday. 

Ahh....  Spring in Grove City.  That mystical time of year when its always wet, classes are harder, and snow still covers the ground with a 4 inch blanket. 

O Lord, take me home.

Or country roads can take me home.  Whichever comes quicker. 

It turns out that Easter Break + broken computer = no posting for a while.  Sorry about that.  Even as we speak my beloved computer lies in the arms of a tech support repair guy man, with no end in sight.  So I figured I'd sneak onto my roomies computer whilst he takes a test for his night class.  Oh yeah, I'm sneaky.

Today in Finite Math our professor handed us this funny, totally irrelevent report from some site called www.mercola.com.  I thought it was pretty clever, so here it is.  After all, its just like they say; If you've got nothing to say, steal something funny from someone else. 

Bread:  The Half-Baked Truth Revealed

1.  More than 98% of convicted felons are bread users.

2.  Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3.  In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4.  Every piece of bread you eat brings you nearer to death.

5.  Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body.  For example, nearly all sick people have eaten bread.  The effects are obviously cumulative:

     99.9 percent of all people who die from cancer have eaten bread.

     99.7 percent of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate bread within 6 months preceeding the accident.

     93.1 percent of juvenile delinquents came from homes where bread is served frequently.

6.  Evidence points to the long-term effects of bread eating: Of all the people born since 1839 who later dined on bread, there has been a 100% mortality rate.

7.  Bread is made from a substance called "dough".  It has been proven that as little as a teaspoon of dough can be used to suffocate a lab rat.  The average American eats more bread than that in one day!

8.  Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

9.  Bread has been proven to be addictive.  Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

10.  Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

11.  Bread has been proven to absorb water.  Since the human body is more than 80% water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorbtive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread -pudding person.

12.  Newborn babies can choke on bread.

13.  Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit!  That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

14.  Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling. 

(End quote)

I wish I had thought of that...

By this time tomorrow I will have traversed 300 miles to my glorious home in Severna Park.  I can't wait.

Tonight I did a creative writing project for french.  We were supposed to pretend that it was the year 2015 and we were single and alone living in a french speaking country.  In our boredom we were to invite an old friend from french class to come stay with us and do things that use great vocab words. 

So I chose to be an incredibly wealthy man living in Morocco.  And luckily for my friend , I owned an air company (entitled "fly with Steve"), a club ("dance with Steve"), a restaurant ("eat with Steve"), and a hotel ("sleep with Steve").  So all expenses would be paid and all he had to do was show up.

I hope I have a friend like that someday.  All of my friends are worthless poor people. 

Anyone who has spent any amount of time around me (doctors recommend at least 30 minutes daily) knows that I'm a pretty big Beatles fan.  I like their style throughout their career and think they had great talent.  But as everyone knows, the Beatles were a lot cooler at the beginning of their careers than at the end.  At that time their drug intake was limited and they hadn't yet become eastern-pantheistic-communist-hippie-pumpkin-pie-haircutted-freaks.  Their songs were cooler too, especially their lyrics.  Listen to (actually, just read) this hit song off their hit album "Please Please Me", entitled "Chains."  It's a hit.

"Chains!

My babys got me locked up in chains

And they ain't the kind

That you can see

Whoa-oa these chains of lo-ove

Got a hold on me

Yeah"

Now that is just lyrical mastery if I've ever heard it.  My babys got me locked up in chains.  But in case you were thinking that she actually had chained him up to something, he expells all doubt in saying that these aren't the kind of chains that you can see.   So he's obviously speaking of some metaphorical, abstract chains that are imperceptible to the human eye.  Scholars are divided on this subject, but they generally fall into one of two camps.

1)  His baby, through hugging him or something, gave him a disease or sickness.  This is indicated by the fact that he calls them "chains of love" and that, again, the microbes are invisible to the naked eye.  So she's got him sick or something, and he thus can't go outside.  It's really a pretty sad song. 

or....

2)  His baby has one of those invisible fences that, by wearing a collar of some sort, you get zotted when you attempt to walk through it.  Though many vigorously hold to this theory, they often fail to explain why.

These theories only attempt to solve the big picture posed by this piece.  Still unanswered are smaller questions such as "Does he really have a baby?  Who is the mother?  Why does he randomly say whoa?  Did someone hit him with a football?"

Its a shame that there aren't any modern bands/groups that can spark deep discussion and thought through their works like the Beatles could.  Perhaps Dan Coleman will someday.  But until then, who knows.